Due date...

I was due to give birth to a baby today. Last October my doctor confirmed a molar pregnancy. A crushing blow to our hearts...a 2nd failed attempt. Our first miscarriage was before we had Ellie. Then God blessed us with Ellie. Then this...I thought I would be able to handle it because I've already been through a miscarriage...oh well...we will just try again in a few months. There's so much involved in a molar pregnancy though...I have been through a lot since...even heard the word "cancer"...a small possibility (thank God).

I've just been sad all weekend...just ask Jae...then I felt redicilous to morn a baby that was never created...I loved the idea of bringing life into the world...bless Gloria for bringing in 3 and hoping for more! But maybe it's not the baby I morn...I can't explain.

Easter Sunday came with so many confirmations for us. I don't think there was a dry eye at church. God spoke to all of us in such a personal way..."live today the best that you can, but not the selfish way like 'go skydiving! or buy that object you've always wanted!'" It was more like 'give your life to God today...do something for others for once! Make a sacrifice! Make someone's life all the better without expecting anything in return!' And this is something I truly need to work on.

I came away with 3 certainties this Sunday. I am finally going to get baptized, but not because I'm supposed to, but because I want to show everyone and my family that I believe in Jesus and His precious sacrifice.

Secondly, if God permits, Jae and I wish to adopt a little girl from China. There are reasons why I made a committment to a particular baby, but that is too long to explain.

And lastly, I am going to try my best to accept any sacrifice God asks of me...even if it means no more children. OH.....this is going to be a tough one! God used those people at Harvest so that they could be a blessing to others. They had no idea that they would one day stand in front of a congregation and be baptized and speak specifically to me! But that's how amazing God works and I hope with all my heart God will use my sacrifice to do the same...what an honer it is! And I hope He is using me even now.