Confidence Arising

Ellie made me read Dora's Chilly Day 5 times before bed time last night! And again this morning! If I never see Dora again!

Ellie woke up 3 times last night, but she only cried for a couple of minutes at the most, so there was no need to check on her.

And I said to Jae last night, "For the first time in a long time, I felt confident about how I handled Ellie's refusal to sleep." I've probably jinxed myself.

It's 3 a.m.

I fell asleep around 12:30 only to be startled at 3:00 a.m. by Ellie's shrieking, "Mommy! Mommy! No Mommy!" It sounded like she was having a nightmare so I rushed into her room. One leg was hung over the side of her crib. She must have made an escape attempt, but then was unable to swing her leg back into the crib which then caused her to go beserk.

I was weak. I went to help her swing her leg back into the crib and lay her down, but found myself holding her. After 2 solid years of sleep training I finally broke. So I changed her diaper and decided to sleep with her on the floor in her room. She dozed off for some time and then woke up again, never able to get fully comfortable.

At 4:30, I had to wake Jae for help. At this point, she was more than awake and shamefully took advantage of her daddy's loving nature. He showed her Pingu, gave her some water, climbed up and down the stairs several times to try and calm her. Nothing worked.

At 6:30, I turned off the alarm clock as Jae and Ellie walked into the room. "Looks like we're going to have to tag team." Ellie landed next to me on the bed and snuggled under the covers. She fell asleep instantly and started to snore. Jae went to the bathroom to sleep in the shower.

At 7:30, Ellie woke up and told me, "get up. get up mommy. downstairs!"

I can't do this another night.

That was Then

This was Chloe at 8 weeks...the first day I adopted her and fell in love with her. It's hard to tell, but she's still wearing her price tag.
Picture's kind of blurry, but she's so cute.











Chloe has snuggly clenched my Valentine's Day present. She was almost 2 years old.











This was Chloe at 10 weeks dreaming of kibble bits and chasing Frank the squirrel, her arch nemesis.












This explains Chloe's love of shoes and feet. My theory was that those suede shoes reminded her much of the animals on the farm, in which she was bred.










Chloe around 9 weeks old stopping for a photo opt. Check out the old kitchen tiles. I was so glad to be rid of them. Food and dirt would settle into the grout like stench on fish.
Her body length barely covered 2 square tiles and you can get a better sense of how small she was if you look at Jae's feet. She was smaller than our cat, Nellie.

Good Enough

So, what do you say to someone who's dying?

I was shuffling through some papers to find an appropriate stationary to express my sorrow and came across my "portfolio". I started to get an itch to go teach again...especially after recent news. He used to tell me that teaching is the next best profession after motherhood. Then I read the critiques in the portfolio...and the paranoia of managing and organizing and teaching twenty mini-adults settled in...not to mention the endless paperwork.

But my feelings do get hurt when people ask, "When are you going to go back to work?" As if what I'm doing is not work. And then I hear, "oh, you know what I mean" Well, I really don't know what that means.

Anyway, I guess I can tell him thanks for acknowledging that what I do with Ellie at home is good enough.

Something to Make You Smile

Thank goodness I'm getting new glasses.

Sweet Nectar of Gardens

Salsa anyone?...anyone?...anyone?... I want to grow my own garden...someday.

Tempted

I just found out one of my college friends had her baby over the weekend! So exciting. I think she and I were considered the last of our bunch to get married and have kids. Isn't that strange how life turns out?

I can't remember what the first few days with Ellie were like. The sleep deprivation erased all memory, but I remember the feelings...just pure joy. I'm tempted to have another baby soon. Now that I'm almost in the clear, the idea is tangible and appealing. Just one more visit to the doctor and blood test.

But I'm not a fan of getting up every 2 hours to feed or change a baby. I'm living the good life now, even though I may complain about tantrums and nap struggles. Ellie had a horrible tantrum before nap time today, but turned into a sweet flower in the afternoon. She seems to have harder days when Dad is working from home. She wants all his attention all the time and I become cold rice once again.

I do hope we have another girl, only cuz Ellie just has way way way too many baby clothes! It's also a cute notion to have 2 girls...sisters are always nice to have. I would have loved a little brother, but couldn't imagine life without my sister. Everyone needs a sister!

And speaking of sisters, it will be a race to see who will get pregnant first! Yeah, I'm competitive that way...(sigh)

Rock On!

This is what Ellie thinks of home-made potato chips! "Hail QueenWanydala! Giver of starch and grease!" I don't know why the rest of my family is so darn skinny!
After bringing home all the peppers and tomatoes from the farm, guess what I decided to make? Potato chips! That's right. I've not made one single lick of food from the veggies, but my dear Jewish hyung boo promised to share his famous sausage spaghetti sauce with me if I made him some beg-nets (beignets). It's really pronounced "ben-neays", but that's how hyung boo pronounces it and I thought it was just as amusing when he says, "jar-jar-binks" I mean, "ja-ja-myun" when he's referring to the noodles with dark sauce. I fear we will be eating salsa for quite some time now.

I'm getting closer to completing my to do list...and I have to mention I don't like the fact that some recent topics on Jae's blog has to do with lists. I started it! Gosh...I'm so immature...but I digress...or regress...or whatever...anyways!, one of the to do on my list was to get new glasses. I got my eyes checked last week and I've now found the frames I want. All I have to do is buy them.

And my dog has stopped greeting me at the door. She lifted her head from sleeping position, gave me a look of disdain, then went back to sleep. Okay, she never lifted her head.

(I love my dog!)

Ellie's new dew

Ellie's first major haircut was a success...kind of. It took all of 2 hours to cut her hair. She kept moving around and every once in awhile, she'd stare at the scissors and watch 2 inches of hair fall to my shirt and say, "mommy's hair". I think she would have flipped if she knew it was really hers. But I have to say, she looks so much more grown up...like a real 2 year old.

On a sadder note, my sister colored my hair Sunday night. Monday morning, the first thing Ellie said to me was, "Mommy hair orange!" I was tempted to post a picture of my hair, but concluded I was just too ugly for viewing.

I Got It!

They are not in sequence, but here are some pictures of Ellie catching the ball.



Look at that focus!













This is Ellie's reaction when the ball hit daddy on the head...
just kidding
















I think she's had one too many milk shakes.

















Hoorah for me!















She's the best ball catcher in the world.

The One

Warning...sappy post.

I'm in one of those funky moods...where you're not really sure how you feel, you just know that you're feeling something. And music helps.

I've discovered tiny little ants hanging around our sink today. It was disgusting. I wanted to throw up. I've never been so grossed out before. We saw them before on the pantry floor a few days ago. I guess the eggs have hatched. I hate bugs and I want to squish them each and every time I see them, but Ellie is around. She finds them to be curious. I think she'd eat them if she could. My little Ellie. I love her. Jae killed the ants for me.

You ever wonder why certain people just pop into your mind? It's the one you don't wish to think about...the one you hate...the one you can't forgive...the one you wish you'd never met...the one that changed you. But then I think of the one who saved me...the one who forgives me...the one I couldn't imagine living without...the one that makes me change...the one who kills ants for me.

The Ban

The ban of singing and dancing has been lifted from our house. Ellie went through a strange phase (one of many) when she wouldn't let us sing or dance. She'd get really upset and wave her arms at us (similar gesture to fanning us) and say, "no ancing!" or "no inging!" or "no jumping!". Then she added a "no biaper! (diaper)" or "no noodles!" here and there to throw us off.
It was a power struggle-type thing. Now that she is aware of her own power, the "need to control" isn't important to her anymore.

Ugh...one issue settled...thousands more to go!

Invasion of the Husband

I recently "asked" Jae to...okay, I recently restricted Jae from using the upstairs bathroom in the hallway. We mainly use it when Ellie takes baths, but since she's starting to wash her hands and brush her teeth, I decided to clean it top to bottom. That there just tells you how much I clean.
Jae used to brush his teeth and clip his facial hair in there, but I said "no more". It was in a pretty bad shape. How did it get this way? I remember long ago when I had a room of my own. Everything matched...from the picture frame hanging above my bed to the bag of potpourri (sp) hanging from the doorknob. Now, there are rolled up socks in almost every room, gunk of hair gel in the sink, facial stubble on the sink and periodicals and mail and coupons spread across every table. There is never enough toilet paper, and just after I've cleaned a room, it looks as if a tornado has crossed it the very next day. Our house has a "funky" smell to say the least and you can almost expect what should be there not to be there and what's not to be there there.
I am lucky if I'm allowed to purchase bedsheets that match or comes in sets. Jae says it costs too much and is not worth the price. What can I do? I'm sure my sister has complaints of her own, but she is lucky to have a husband who told us this weekend that he looks for things to vacuum. Are you kidding me? I say give him chocolate every day!
Considering that I don't clean very often, I am also very fortunate to have a husband who doesn't expect me to clean either, or maybe he does but is too wise not to say it. Most times, we will both stare at the mess and give each other the "you do it first" look. I just have to learn the fine art of nagging without sounding like I'm nagging. I gave up most hope when my threats seemed to have little effect on him, but I've recently heard of the "reward" system. It worked for a little while...and that's all I have to say about that.

Have I also mentioned the countless number of wires, twist-ties that come with the wires, software that required those wires, games that required more software or wires, and computers that roam our house? Have I mentioned the many pairs of speakers stuffed into a closet? Have I also mentioned the many many many "one too many shoes for a guy" shoes stuffed into the closet which is also stuffed with his many many "one too many outerwear for a guy" outerwear? And don't even get me started on the purple room.